someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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