absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
