yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
