so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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