but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
