wat bout pragnant strippers??
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
