I hope mine doesn't look like that
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
