Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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