There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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