I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
