if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I feel great
I just peed on a car
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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