Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
