Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
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Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
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Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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