It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
