i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
