First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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