Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
please come you make the beer taste better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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