When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
