All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
