i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
