There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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