I can tuck mytits in my pants
Even the bartender felt bad for me
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
