you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
