The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
