so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
