I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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