And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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