He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
