i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
