omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
