i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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