Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off