i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
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At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
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I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
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Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.