covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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