I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
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She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
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At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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