Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
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You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
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Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.