Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
