Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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