i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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