so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
