Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
