You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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