Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
