I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
