Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
