I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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