Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
