when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
