I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
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