Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
