Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
