I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Randomize
