What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
