Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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