So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
