well I can't set my house on fire every night
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
