theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
