Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
