I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I came so hard my ears popped.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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