hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
