Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
