I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
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I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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