everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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